Friday, 11 June 2010

Negative Stealth Assassin

At some point in our lives, for some more than others, we are all visited by the ever silent and deadly Negative Stealth Assassin. It is not, as it's name suggests, some kind of covert MI6 super agent who operates mainly out of the Southern Baltics. Oh no, it is far, far worse.

The Negative Stealth Assassin is a veritable sneakster. It's the bile within you that feeds off hatred and things like sick puppies or a sad bee and will not stop until it has DESTROYED SOMETHING! And unfortunately, we all have one. It has a face that is the spawn of yourself and the devil's ball sack, and a body that is made of PURE EVIL!

A Negative Stealth Assassin is determined to rule the world and turn a happy sunshine rainbow existence into a quagmire of dross and misery. It will tell you lies! It will make you hate yourself! It will make you insufferable to all those around you, thus affirming your self hatred and it's validity! At the drop of a hat, the world is suddenly full of shitty weirdos, you will never be happy again and everything you thought was good and true is just a trick. You and those around you are suddenly at the mercy of this silent killer.

You can go from this:

To this:

for no rational reason! Once the beast is awake, all bets are off and all reality is squished. And then - RAGE! You will most likely become an irrational gibbering douche canoe until you realize that the things you are saying and feeling are fucking boring and, more importantly, insane.

But once the Negative Stealth Assassin has you in its claw like grip, it becomes stronger because the sad nonsense you were thinking about is its food. No one nowhere will ever understand the hurt going on your heart, no matter how hard you try to explain. That's the thing about Negative Stealth Assassins, they are tailored to your own individual shortcomings and insecurities, so not even people who love you will truly understand. No Negative Stealth Assassin is the same! They are a deadly breed!

I had a visit last night, but luckily the only thing it destroyed was my calm evening.

So today I feel like I've been bulldozed and know it'll take some time for my Negative Stealth Assassin to become comatose again. I want to kill it with fire! But the only way to kill a Negative Stealth Assassin is to hug kittens and play Wii and sing nice songs. So that's what I'll be doing this weekend. Maybe in a fort.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

1 comment:

  1. I love you even more than ever, now that the two words 'douche canoe' have come from your person.

    Keep the faith honey xxx