Tuesday, 10 August 2010

I love Peeteer Smith

My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen,

I have once again been neglectful of you, my loyal followers of 14, and for this I am truly sorry. I have clearly been of a saner and more adult disposition than what is normally expected, thus diminishing the day to day madness and far flung capers which usually act as blog fodder.

But I am under strict orders to write from a certain Mr Peeteer Smith, and write I shall.

'What shall I blog about?' I whinged, half hoping he'd validate my existence with a choice compliment such as, 'Hats, you are a terrific writer. Not only are you beautiful, you are also fiercely intelligent and possessed of a wit and panache that quite frankly I haven't seen since, well, ever. You are the reason the sky is blue, why babies laugh and why everyone everywhere has hope that they can one day have a worthwhile life, because YOU EXIST. Whatever you write will be a gift to us like manna falling from the heavens' or something.

But in real life, his response was 'ME!' Which was shortly followed by 'I just sneezed. It felt so good'. Here's some pretty choice material, so why the hell not?

PEETEER SMITH. Where do I start?

Well, for one, he along with his best friend Esther won my prestigious fort contest back in June. Not only did his photo entries display his unrivalled prowess at fort building, but also his unique and astonishing ability to act. Here he is displaying his acting skill #4, 'pretending to watch TV'. Kids, I am not joking, HE IS NOT WATCHING TV IN THE PICTURE. I know, I can't believe it either!

It beggars belief, doesn't it? This dashing young man will no doubt be winning Oscars before long.

Young Peeteer is also a very talented musician, and you can hear him here playing the lead in the Horn section.

Never have I heard such clarity and hawk like precision in any brass instrument performance.

One of the things I love most about Peeteer is the rich, baritone quality he has to his voice, which makes all conversation with him rather distinguised and high-brow, regardless of whether we are discussing Kant's Categorical Imperativism, sexy parties or funny smells. His deep, throaty laugh is also very becoming. Have a listen for yourself!

But perhaps what I love most about Peeteer are his stalwart attempts at keeping other women at arms length because of his mad love for me by pretending he is gay. His 'love' for all things Tom Daley is but a ploy to keep the female population at bay. This is another of his great acting skills, and SO in character is he that he also pretends that he never fancies any women (including me) and actually pursues men!

Here he is pretending to look gay, when he's actually straight FOR ME

He knows that our time is not yet nigh, but resists all advances from the throngs of fawning females regardless; our love is so pure and true that he is happy to live a chaste life until we can celebrate our love with the world. So committed is he, that he cares not a turd that I am co-habiting with another man who I choose to call 'Man', until I am ready to forsake all others and just be loyal to Peeteer. And in the meantime, he is just SO in love that he will no doubt be dating and sleeping with other men. I am a lucky, lucky girl.

Peeteer Smith: Man of awesome, musician, hilarious, and not at all gay.


*Disclaimer: that wasn't actually him playing the lead in the Horn section, even he isn't THAT good.

UPDATE: Peeteer Smith himself has done a narration AudioBoo! So if you want to listen to him reading this marvellous blog entry, click here. Also vote in the comments section if you want this to be a regular feature here at Hattie's Weird and Wonderful World!