Thursday, 3 June 2010

Hattie and the fort: Part 1

The other night, I asked my Man if one day we could build a fort in the sitting room and sit in it all day watching movies and eating pizza.

After 17 seconds of silence and his blank stare, I asked again. 'Fort? In the sitting room?'

'Honey, you're 26'.

'I know but forts are amazing and so much fun!'

Silence. 'Honey, you're 26'.

'So? I cannot and will not believe that anyone, regardless of age, does not enjoy a fort'.

Silence. And disbelief.

I went on. 'Seriously, forts are so fun! You can smoosh in and make a roof with blankets and shit and watch stuff on TV and be all comfy and awesome at the same time'.

He'd left the room before I'd reached the end of the word 'seriously'.

I followed him into his office. 'Come on, you know you want to. Of course you enjoy a fort'.

'Sweetheart, I have work to do'.

'I get it. I bet you're thinking of Evangeline Lilly, and thinking that Evangeline Lilly, of Lost fame, would not enjoy a fort. But you know what? I bet she would!'

To clarify - Evangeline Lilly had a valid reason to be included in our conversation. A few months ago, after watching a gazillion back to back episodes of Lost, Man turned to me with a gravely serious look and said 'Hats, please don't laugh at me, but I honestly think I used to date Evangeline Lilly.' A tortured, supressed peep rose from my belly and made my eyes water, but I managed to compose myself enough to squeak 'Go on'. Turns out, 15 years ago, he'd dated a girl called Evan who was American and, apparently, the spit of Evangeline Lilly, of Lost fame. 'See, Evan could be short for Evangeline!' he declared with child-like glee. I made it a whole 3 seconds before I exploded, guffawing in his face.

Now, every time there is some sort of contretemps over something I suggest, I ask 'Oh, did Evangeline Lilly, of Lost fame, not do that?' He can also now use it to punctuate tales from his life, such as 'It reminds me of the time when I used to date Evangeline Lilly, of Lost fame'. Guys, guess what? Claim to fame - my Man used to bang Evangeline Lilly, of Lost fame!

However, a few weeks later he sheepishly admitted, 'actually, I think her surname was _______, but maybe she changed it!' We googled Evan the mystery girlfriend and her picture appeared, and sure enough did she look quite like Evangeline Lilly of Lost fame, enough to get the two mixed up. Its more fun pretending they're the same person though, so his ex girlfriend is still Evangeline Lilly, of Lost fame.

Anyway, I assured him that Evangeline Lilly, of Lost fame, would enjoy a fort. Unfortunately this was not enough to convince him to partake, so my fort assembly will be a solo effort. This is how I imagine my fort will look.

He's actually away on business overnight this Friday, so I shall make my fort, and it will be great. I will post photo updates this weekend.

And in the meantime, I encourage you to all build forts of your own! I am of a school of beliefs which posits that everyone, everwhere, regardless of age, enjoys a fort. Why sanction the joy of forts to schoolchildren up to the age of ten but no older? Its a travesty and one I will challenge to the death. I don't have many readers yet but if you send me pictures I will give a prize to the person/team who builds the best fort!

UPDATE 4/06/10: So there's been quite a bit of interest in the fort contest on twitter! The rules are as follows:

- Teams may be no more than 3 people
- Teams must register their official team names in the comments section of my blog or via DM on twitter (@awoollyhat)
- Photos must include at least one team member sitting in the fort, then sent to for the judging panel to assess
- closing date for contest is 10/06/10 (that's 10th of June to any American readers)



  1. I want to play forts! With cushions, duvets and sweet treats. H wants to play too! xx Love you, you bonkers delight, you.

  2. I don't know about fort. I may be able to send port. Would that count?

  3. I love you too Mim! Want to enter my fort contest? So far I have two team entrants, the excitement is hotting up!

    Dan I'm afraid I can only accept pictures of forts or actual forts, not things that rhyme with fort. But maybe at Christmas :)

  4. Hello!
    Peeteer and Quirkyest's team name: MEGA-ALAN


  5. Is it OK if a 2-year-old helps with mine?

  6. I love to be in a fort, but they always fall down if I try to construct one. Cushion architecture isn't my forte.

  7. Peeteer and Quirkyest - brilliant team name. I approve.

    Mim - of course, a 2 year old can help BUT the emphasis is on forts for the enjoyment of grown-ups

    Dogimo - go on, give it a go! And then send me pictures. Feel free to tell your blog friends so they can enter the contest as well :)

  8. Yes Yes! I LOVE forts! Me and Matt build them by pushing the two sofas together. Then we sit in it and watch films!
    Our team name will be: the camper couches!

  9. I am so in! Team 'Beans make you Fort'

  10. wow guys these team names are amazing! I may have to organise a seperate sub contest for the best team name. looking forward to seeing your entries muchly! I will post photos of my own plus the winning entry :D

  11. we're entering! and we'll do it one night when skye's gone to bed so she can't destroy it! fort fun for over 1 and a half year olds, woohoo! Can't believe James isn't up for this? Loserino (just kidding...sort of)
    we're going to be called Team Herculez Gomez if that's ok? he's an American footballer. what a name.
    This is Cassy by the way!